The Family Reunion
by sakana3
Summary: What if the bleach cast was all one giant, extended family? What if they all decided to have a family reunion in Karakura?
1. Chapter 1

"A family what?!" yelled Ichigo Kurosaki over breakfast one summer Saturday.

It was morning and five Kurosakis were seated around the breakfast table. The father, Isshin, had barely announced his wonderful news when all of his family blurted out their opinions.

"That's wonderful, honey!" exclaimed Masaki.

"Are they going to come here?" asked Yuzu, nervously.

"As long as this doesn't interfere with my soccer game," muttered Karin.

"Why a family reunion?" demanded Ichigo.

"Now, now," said Masaki, "This is going to be fun, Ichigo. Aren't you excited?"

"Not one bit," snapped Ichigo, angrily.

"But Nii-san," said Yuzu, "Isn't it fun to meet new people?"

"Actually," said Karin, "It's kind of creepy."

As the four of them continued with their chaotic argument, Isshin grew more and more impatient.

"QUIET!!!!!!" he roared as he threw a book at Ichigo.

They all got quiet, except for Ichigo, who was muttering rated R threats under his breath and rubbing his swollen head.

"Now," said Isshin, "Let's handle this like the civilized people we are."

"Okay, Dad!" cried Yuzu.

Ichigo and Karin exchanged a look at the word civilized.

"There will be lots of people coming," said Isshin.

"When?" asked Masaki, curiously.

"Starting today," answered Isshin.

"T-TODAY?" yelled Ichigo and Karin in unison, "Can't you have warned us a little before?"

"I have soccer practice from morning till 5!" yelled Karin.

"I need to clean my room," yelled Ichigo, "And get rid of certain things!"

"Silence!" yelled Isshin.

"Who's coming today?" asked Masaki.

"My older brother and his family," said Isshin.

Then, upon seeing his dismayed son and daughter, he added, "But they're the only ones staying with us. The rest are going to check into the hotel or they have rented a room."

"Well," said Ichigo, "If it's only one family, I guess it's okay."

"You think so?" laughed Isshin, "Then I guess you've never met your Uncle Kisuke."

"Kisuke?" asked Ichigo, "Never heard of him."

"He is the most insane person you will ever meet," assured Isshin, "And his family is even more insane."

"I thought _you _were the most insane person I'll ever meet and our family was the most dysfunctional and insane family," muttered Karin.

"Don't say that, kids," scolded Masaki.

She was about say something else, when the doorbell rang.

"They're here!" cried Isshin.


	2. Chapter 2

Isshin excitedly jumped out of his chair and pulled open the door, screaming "Helloooo Nii-san!"

He attempted to tackle the nearest person, but was, fortunately, stopped by Ichigo.

"Why you…" muttered Isshin, with a vein throbbing dangerously, "Take that! Super Discipline Kick!"

His foot whirled up and connected with Ichigo's chin, causing Ichigo to release his hold on his father's shirt. As a result, both of them toppled back. In retaliation, Ichigo punched Isshin in the nose. The two of them then engaged in a violent fight as everyone else watched.

"Wow, Isshin!" said the man at the door, "You haven't changed a bit."

This statement stopped Isshin and Ichigo, who obviously hadn't noticed the six people standing outside.

"Nii-san!" yelled an over-excited Isshin.

"I take it that this is Ichigo?" asked the man, gaudily, "I haven't met the others yet."

"Karin and Yuzu," introduced Isshin, "And of course you remember my lovely wife, Masaki. After all, how could you forget someone like her?"

"Of course," replied the man, smiling, "Of course you remember my wife, Yoruichi. How could you forget someone as mentally disturbed as her?"

"I heard that," growled the woman, clubbing her husband with a giant club.

"Heh heh," said the man, rubbing a bump on his head, "anyway, Ichigo, I'm Kisuke and they're Sosuke, Soi, Jin, and Ginta."

"That's _Gin _and _Jin_ta!" yelled a miniature, orange-haired boy, "Get it right!"

"What kind of father doesn't remember his own children's names?" asked Ichigo.

"It's nothing to worry about," laughed Kisuke, "Oh and I'm sure you remember Sosuke?"

He gestured to the oldest kid.

Ichigo screwed up his eyes and thought. He thought for a long time, then a light bulb lit up.

"Ah-hah!" he yelled, jabbing a finger at his cousin, "You're the one who exchanged my toothpaste with hair gel!"

"Actually," said Gin, "That was me."

"Who are you?" yelled Ichigo.

"Gin."

"No, I mean your name."

"Gin."

"Gin?"

"Gin."

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Okay."

"How much bleach did you use to make your hair that color?"

"It's natural."

"Can I ask you another personal question?"

"Okay."

"Why are you smiling like that?"

" 'Cause it annoys Sosuke."

"Oh."

There was an awkward silence.

"Do you know how many bedroom objects one can take apart with an ordinary screwdriver?" asked Gin, still smiling his creepy smile.

"How many?" replied Ichigo, warily.

"It was just a hypothetical question."

_Okay_ thought Ichigo. _That smile is creeping me out. No one smiles like that. Except maybe insane serial killers. Is he an insane serial killer? Note to self: Stay away from this guy._

"Okay then, Ichigo," said Isshin, "Show the boys to your room."

"Why?" asked Ichigo.

"I guess I should have told you earlier," replied Isshin, "The guys are staying in your room."

"Including him?" yelled Ichigo, shrilly, jabbing a finger at Gin.

"Including him."

Somewhere in the farthest reaches of the galaxy… 

"What was that?" asked Alien #1, alarmed.

"Sounded like a scream of fury," answered Alien #2.

"A human teenager's scream of fury," added Alien #3.


End file.
